Observations
by 20 Thousand Leagues
Summary: Hyorinmaru makes observations. Hitsugaya suffers, but gains a whole new prospective on the Gotei 13. As advised by my reviewers, a warning: Do not read while consuming beverages. Especially ones that will make your keyboard sticky.
1. Observations on: Shunsui and Nanao

Disclaimer: Not mine, despite black mail, bribery, and attempts to buy Shiro-chan on the black market.

It was not unusual for Hitsugaya and Hyorinmaru to talk. Au contrair, they had regular conversations in which Hyorinmaru pointed out various things that would amuse or embarrass Toshiro, in order to keep himself entertained through out the long day of paperwork and meetings. As such was true, it was not extraordinarily unusual for the tenth division captain to glare back at his zanpakutou whilst talking to you. Anyone particularly close to him got used to it, and it faintly amused Hinamori and Matsumoto.

And while Hyorinmaru's comments were certainly quite annoying at times, they were almost always amusing. (The majority of the time his dragon is just making fun of how stupid shinigami are, or is making witty comments about his and Hinamori's relationship, but still he makes clever observations). His zanpakuto, as infamous as it is, is _smart_ and Hitsugaya knows it. So when Hyorinmaru starts talking in the middle of a joint taicho/fukutaicho meeting, Hitsugaya listens.

'_Who are they, those two? The one with the book and glasses and the drunk one in pink.'  
_  
_'_Kyoraku taicho and Ise fukutaicho. What about them?'

'_You know they're in love with each other, right?' _Hitsugaya's jaw dropped.

'I think you're insane.'

_'No, no, just watch them'. _Nanao-chan herself chose that moment to whack Shunhei with a book for trying to kiss her, before turning back to what Yamato-soutaicho was saying with a slight smile.

'_See? She's blushing!'_

'Ise and Shunsui? Oh, you have got to be KIDDING me!' The emerald-eyed captain burst into a sponanious, harsh coughing fit to try and hide his similarly spontanious laughter. THIS was why he wouldn't trade Hyorinmaru for the world. How does he figure out these things? And really, Nanao and Shunhei? Rich.

Meanwhile, to those not privileged enough to converse, inside their heads, with one facetious dragon, it looked like Hitsugaya-taicho was about to cough up a lung. Yamamoto stopped in the middle of a sentence, and immediately Unohana, Ukitake, Matsumoto, and Hinamori were trying to discern what was wrong with him.

"Hitsugaya-taicho, do you have a fever at all?"

"Hitsugaya-taicho, have some candy!"

"Shiro-chan, are you sick?"

"Taicho, maybe we should take the day off!" The aforementioned subject of much attention tucked away his amusement, wiped the smirk off his face, straightened up, and scowled.

"No, I'm fine, Unohana-taicho; no thank you, Ukitake-taicho; it's Hitsugaya-taicho, Hinamori, and NO, MATSUMOTO!" With the glare he leveled at his fukutaicho, one could be assured that all was fine, and Yamato-soutaicho resumed the meeting.

'This is why I put up with you, you know.'

_'Glad to be of some use, **Shiro-chan'**  
_  
_'_Shut up now, Hyorinmaru. Shut up.'


	2. Observations on: Ichigo and Rukia

_'Y'know, Shiro-chan-'_

'Hitsugaya, Hyorinmaru. It's Hitsugaya. At least Hinamori has an excuse.'

_'Whatever, whatever. I've been thinking-'_

'Don't hurt yourself, it'd be very inconvenient.'

_'I've taught you well. Anyway-'_

'Can we finish this epiphany after the meeting? Last time we did this everyone was convinced I was sick. Ukitake-taicho gave me huge piles of candy for a week!'

_'I know, I was there. It was hilarious.'_

'You're sadistic, you know that?'

_'And you're just figuring that out? You've got to listen to me.'_

'I'm sure whatever you have to say will be clever and intelligent, Hyorinmaru, but I've GOT to hear this report.'

_'Just hear me out. Matsumoto can recap for you later.'_

'You think she's paying attention? I take back the comment about intelligence.'

_'Then borrow Ise-fukutaicho's notes.'_

'You're really determined, aren't you.'

_'YES! Now listen.'_

'Fine, fine. Better be good.'

_'So you know the orange haired new captain guy? Of 5th?'_

'Ichigo- I mean, Kurosaki-taicho?'

_'Yeah, him. And that one with the barrettes?'_

Snicker. 'You mean Kuchuki-taicho and his kenseikan?'

_'Sure. So he's got a little sister, right? The one all that fuss was about just a bit ago?'_

'That's Rukia. She's in 13th.'

_'Well, didn't she stay at Ichigo's house?'_

'You DO have a point, right?'

_'Yes! Just listen, Shiro-chan.'_

'It's-'

_'Just keep telling yourself that. Anyway, you notice those looks Kuchuki keeps giving Ichigo?'_

'You'd have to be, well, you to miss them, Hyorinmaru. How could I miss them?'

_'Don't they imply anything?'_

Silence. A beat. 'Wait.. you mean...'

_'Yep!'_

As much as he knew he would suffer for this, Hitsugaya burst out in hysterical laughter, trying, rather pathetically, to hide it behind a facade of coughing again. Luckily enough, none of the higher-ups in the Gotei 13 were acting connoisseurs. They actually tended to be kinda gullible; or at least most of the time most of them were gullible. While their general lack of acting expertise could certainly aid Hitsugaya in some situations, this was not one of them. For the second time in as many weeks, Toshiro's friends began to obsess over his health.

"I knew you needed more candy! Here, here–"

"You seemed fine at your exam, Hitsugaya-taicho, but I feel we should run some more tests to prevent this from becoming a serious problem."

"See, taicho! Health first! All this stress must be getting to you. We should take a vacation!"

"Shiro-chan! You should listen to Matsumoto-fukutaicho and Unohana-taicho, really, you might be getting sick and-"

"You're rambling, Hinamori. Chill."

"But, Renji, Shiro-chan-"

"-will be fine. I'm sure." Hitsugaya chose now to subdue his laughter (the smirk remained, though) and straighten.

"Yes, thank you Abarai-fukutaicho. I'm fine. I have a mild cold. I apologize for interrupting the meeting, Yamamoto-soutaicho. Ukitake-taicho, please, I don't LIKE chocolate. Unohana-taicho, I am fine, really. It's nothing serious. And please, Hinamori, it's Hitsugaya. Please resume." With his reassurances, Unohana, Ukitake, and Hinamori stepped back into their respective divisions. Renji, as he passed, whispered to the tenth's captain,

"You might want to take acting classes or something. Just a suggestion, Hitsugaya taicho."

"Tell me, Renji. If it was pointed out to you that Kuchuki-taicho was glaring at Kurosaki-taicho and that Rukia has stayed with Kurosaki every time she visits the real world, then told you to put two and two together, what would you say?"

Renji blinked. He blinked again. Then he gagged. Everyone ignored him.

_'Very nice. And wait, who is he again? The one with the magenta hair that just made that hilarious noise?'_

'Abarai-fukutaicho of the 6th.'

_'Well done. Anyway, how much candy do you think you'll get in the next week? 6 lb.? 7?'_

'Do other people's zanpakous like to torture them, or is this a strictly Hyorinmaru thing? I was under the impression that your zanpaktou was supposed to help you, not torment you."

_'But everything's so much more fun this way! Here, I'll make a deal with you. When Hinamori stops calling you Shiro chan, I'll stop making observations during meetings.'_

'But Hinamori will never– oh. I hate you.'

_'Love you too. Now focus. Isn't this direly important, Hitsugaya taicho?'_

'Just shut up now, Hyorinmaru. Just shut up.'


	3. Observations on: Punk'd and Shopping

'Oy, oy, Toushiro!'

'I have a bad feeling about this. A really bad feeling. And this is really an important meeting. As if, but could you please wait until Yamamoto-soutaicho finishes speaking?'

'It's about Momo!'

'I don't car– wait, what?'

'PUNK'D! Ahahahahaha! I love that show that orange haired kid brought in! And I totally had you!' Wait. Something's wrong here.. 'Hey, hey, Shiro-chaaaan! Listen to me!'

'1. Your ranting is undignified and embarrassing. 2. I need to hear this. Be quiet.'

'But I really did notice something about Hinamori!'

'You did not. Now be quiet, Hyorinmaru!'

'So Matsumoto wasn't in the office yesterday, right, Hitsugaya-TAICHO?'

'... I fail to take your point.'

Hyorinmaru hides his snicker. Sucker. 'She was shopping for a kimono with Hinamori, wasn't she?'

'Yes...'

'What color did they end up buying?'

'An icy blue. It looked...very pretty on Hinamori.'

Whipped. Hyorinmaru rolls his eyes. 'What was it that Matsumoto said about dates, just before they left?'

Hitsugaya wasn't THAT dense. He had an idea where this was going. 'That girls liked to have their outfits look good with their dates'.'

Hook, line, and sinker, you sucker. 'Now who's eyes are icy blue?'

'Mine, and Kira's. I saw that coming, Hyorinmaru.'

Snicker. Still a sucker. 'Good. But there's one tragic flaw to your plan.'

'Which would be what, exactly?'

Arrogant sucker. 'Kira's gay, smart ass.'

'Oh.'

This time it was Hyorinmaru who laughed.


	4. Observations On: Byakuya and Renji

Dedicated to windlily, for giving me a pairings suggestion. I need them!  
Observations on: Byakuya and Renji

'Hey, the kid with the hair curlers–'

'Kuchiki-taicho.'

'Whatever. He's stopped glaring at the orange haired kid. Did ya notice?'

'That's Kurosaki-taicho, Hyorinmaru. And yes, the room's temperature rose a good 10 degrees the day he stopped.'

'Why'd he stop?'

'Aren't you the one who usually knows these things?'

'Well, I don't know this one. So tell me.'

'Rukia probably threatened him. She's pretty damn scary.'

'Watch the mouth, kid! What are you, twelve? You shouldn't be swearing like that!'

'I'm two hundred and twenty one, Hyorinmaru. Get over it.'

'Anyway, I don't think Rukia threatened him. There's got to be a better reason.'

'And by better, you mean more scandalous, right?' Hitsugaya drolled. 'You are SUCH a drama junkie. Aren't you supposed to be part of my soul?'

'I'm the part you suppress. And the truth is always scandalous!'

'At least you'll be quiet for a couple of meetings.'

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'I've got it.'

'You've got what?'

'Why Byaku-bo stopped glaring at the orange haired kid.'

Blink. 'Byaku-bo?'

''s what the pink haired bouncy kid calls him.'

Snicker. A look from Kenpachi. 'Kusajishi-fukutaicho is forty, Hyorinmaru. You're ancient. You don't know him. And I doubt he would approve. Although I guess you remembering his name at all is rather impressive.'

Defensive of the nickname, Hyorinmaru shot back, thoughtlessly, 'Well, Senbonzakura calls him that!'

Pause.

'No. Damn. Way.' Hitsugaya no longer found it necessary to contain himself. His coughing, which sounded suspiciously like snickering, erupted again. Admittedly impressively, it was a better disguise than it had previously been.

'You've been practicing.'

Hitsugaya straightened as soon as possible, quickly heading off a concerned group of confused shinigami.

'We've got to stop this. Ukitake-taicho is going to have a heart attack.'

'Not my problem. Anyway, can I GET TO MY POINT?!?'

'No. I'm not dealing with them twice in one meeting. Once is more than enough.'

'I don't think you'll laugh.'

'You won't shut up either way, will you.'

'I'll take that as permission. So Byaku-bo's has a shorter stick up his butt recently, ne?'

'That's one way of putting it.'

'So naturally, he must be in love.'

'Nice logic.' The mental, trademarked eye-roll.

'I know.'

'Do you not get sarcasm?'

'I chose to ignore it. Okay, so the candidates had to be narrowed down to–'

'This is killing my brain cells enough. I don't need to hear this crack.'

'Fine, so it came down to–'

'No.'

'All right! Byaku-bo's in love with the magenta haired kid with the funky eyebrows.'

Twitch. 'Abarai-fukutaicho?'

'Yeah, him. And it's totally mutual. I mean–'

Hitsugaya passed out.


	5. Observations By: Hinamori and Matsumoto

Hinamori opened the door to the 10th Division office to observe several unusual phenomenon. For one, the temperature was about 15 degrees below normal for the office, which was usually about 5 below room temperature. Knowing Shiro-kun... but no one had done anything especially obviously stupid recently, so there had to more than that.

Secondly, Hitsugaya had his hands interlaced, elbows resting on his cherry desk, glaring. Which wouldn't have been remarkable at all, given the amount of glaring Shiro-kun was prone to do. But he was staring, at his six o'clock, directly into blank space.

Oh, and Matsumoto was giggling in a corner for no apparent reason, but that wasn't exactly breaking news.

"Um, Hitsugaya-kun, Matsumoto-san...?"

"Shh, Hinamori! Hyorinmaru materialized! They're bonding." Well... that would explain the cold... and the staring... but Hyorinmaru and Hitsugaya? Bonding? Hinamori couldn't hold back a little chocked coughing noise. Maybe Matsumoto-san had had a little much to drink agai–

"Hyorinmaru. Stop. Singing. NOW."

Was that... did she just hear...? On the other side of the room, Matsumoto giggled again.

"Um, Hitsugaya-kun?" His attention snapped to her, eyes widening and shoulders snapping back. Matsumoto said something that sounded suspiciously like "whipped" under her breath. Hinamori smiled, and continued, "What's Hyorinmaru-san singing?"

'So TOTALLY busted,' Hyorinmaru gloated. Hitsugaya glared at him, and turned back to Hinamori, who looked amused. Turned back to Hyorinmaru.

"I hate you, FYI." Hinamori looked confused. Toshiro quickly clarified. "Hyorinmaru, I mean."

"Ah... so what's he singing?"

He closed his eyes, counted to 10, and announced, "He's singing, 'It's In His Kiss'. Badly, may I add."

Two pairs of eyes widened.

'Not THAT badly!'

"Yes, yes it IS that bad. Don't have delusions of grandeur. The only thing your voice is comparable to is that one time Matsumoto and Madarame decided it was a good idea to sing opera, loudly, at 1 in the morning, while drunk. With Ikkaku doing a girl's part."

"That would be a BURN, Hyorinmaru. Just to clarify."

"Hey, taicho, it was Ikkaku's idea!" Matsumoto's protests were ignored.

'That was harsh, even from you, Shiro-kun.'

"I suppose it was."

'To get even, I get to make a Hitsugaya and Hinamori joke.'

"NO YOU DO NOT."

'But you've hurt my ever so delicate feelings!'

"You'll survive."

'But Hitsugaya and Hinamori jokes are FUN!'

"What world do you live in?"

'At least for everyone else they are. And you know they're funny 'cause they're true!'

"Will you just go away so I can finish my paperwork and Hinamori and Matsumoto will STOP WITH THE BEWILDERED LOOKS!"

'Subtle hint, there, genius boy.'

"Just go away now. And that's directed at Hyorinmaru, Hinamori."

'Nice save, lover boy.' His preemptive statement was worth the ribbing, though. Hinamori didn't look sad. Although judging by her smile, she was laughing just a little at him inside. But you know what? That's fine. Better smiling then crying, no matter at what cost.


	6. Observations on: Soifon and Dorks

_A/N: Includes mention of possible yuri, but no actual. Mentioned UraharaYoruichi, and barely there HitsuHina. Enjoy!  
_  
Observations on: Soifon and Dorks

Another captain's meeting. Another opportunity for Hyorinmaru. Another potentially dangerous situation for Hitsugaya.

Another captain's meeting.

And Yamamoto-soutaicho rants on endlessly. Yet again.

So Hitsugaya's mind naturally wanders, and Hyorinmaru picks up eagerly on the opening.

_'So...' _Hyorinmaru opens, seeing a chance.

'No!' automatically gets shot back.

Unfortunately for her, Hyorinmaru's (invisible) gaze settles on division 2.'_Whadda you think about angsty- obsessive girl over by the dork?'_

'Soifon-taicho? What about her? And who's the dork?'

_'Y'know, it's probably a bad sign if you can recognize her by "angsty-obsessive girl".'_

'Probably. But really, who else has such abandonment issues?'

Beat.

'Wait, never mind.'

_'That's what I thought. Oh, and the dork is the old dude, ya know?'_

Incredulous, Hitsugaya's mouth nearly fell to the ground. 'You just referred to the supreme commander, soutaicho of all Seireitei, infinitely wise and powerful leader de fact of Soul Society, as a dork?!?'

_'Oh, how much of that propaganda bull do you actually believe?'_

'None, but that is BESIDES the point. DORK? Sado is a dork. Isshin is a dork. Kira is a dork. Yamamoto is-'

_'A dork. Besides, you're missing the point! Whadda you think of angsty-obsessive girl?'_

'Soifon-taicho,' Hitsugaya responded absently. 'And what about her?'

_'Well, I want to know all the juicy details.'_

'So go ask Haineko.'

'_I didn't even get a rise out of you!'_

'Time in your presence has raised my tolerancy level, but not by much. Now go away.'

_'NEVERRRRRR!'_

'...?'

_'Oh, come on, of course you've seen that show. I mean, the one with the dude who stops time and the dude who flies and, y'know, y'know,..'_

'Kurosaki-taicho needs to stop bringing that trash in.'

_'Nah, it's amusing. Besides, angsty girl? Opinions? Gossip? Anything? C'mon, give me some answers here!'_

Aware that he would be annoyed to compliance, Hitsugaya began, 'Soifon... er... right. She's, to quote, "angsty-obsessive" over her former captain, Yoruichi, from the Shihouin clan. Captain of 2nd division, commander of Special Forces, etc. Good enough?' Silly Hitsugaya. Of course not.

_'Tell me more about this Yoruichi connection... Ah! She must have a crush on her! Clearly. I'm impressed at my own brilliance.'_

'...Hate to burst the bubble, but how about not. Soifon's like her little sister. And Yoruichi's totally involved with Urahara-san.'

'_Oh, the interesting guy from 12th? He's a smart one. Together with the Shihouin heir? Unstoppable. What an amazing idea! And they would be so hot! Together, wow! Why didn't I know this?'_

And as Hyorinmaru continued on, Shiro-kun sighed. What had he started now? He suffered so. damn. much. But his gaze floated over to rest lightly on the division three away from the much discussed Soifon, and his grimace lightened.

Maybe he didn't have it too bad.

_A/N: Yay! That took me forever. And it's still not that good, or very funny. Sorry about the writer's block. By the way, the TV show mentioned is "Heroes". I don't watch it, but Wikipedia's a good friend. Thanks to Fantasy Inc. for her continued support and suggestions, as well as windlily and SliverWhiteDragon for their consistent reviews. And, er, love to everyone? Ari_


	7. Observations on: Kenpachi and Unohana

No matter what Hitsugaya did, short of dying, there was no way to silence his zanpaktou. No way. None at all. And while some might think of that as a good thing, this is Hyorinmaru, and his obnoxiousness was on a whole different level from that of regular mortals, and he had recently decided to debate the eternal question of Soul Society; which was more valuable, 4th or 11th? Loudly. And in depth.

_'_Will you shut UP?'

_'This question is of vital importance to Soul Society, Shiro-chan. I'm disappointed in you. You should be more involved in saving you home and livelihood.'_

'For some reason, I doubt this is going to tear apart Soul Society precisely at this moment. We've survived Ichigo, Kariya, and Aizen. Kenpachi's got nothing on them.'

_'Although, really, I suppose we don't have to worry too much, since Unohana-taicho can keep him in line.'_

'Hey, why does she get the honorific and the rest of us don't?'

_'Because the rest of you aren't so important and scary. She's... that woman is something else. Coincidentally, her hairstyle is something else too. Although I suppose that might explain why Kenpachi likes her.'_

'There are weirder hairstyles in the Gotei 13, Hyorinmaru. Kuchiki-taicho wears hair curlers- er.. kenseikan, and Abarai-fukutaicho's hair is magenta and spiky.'

Wait for it, waitforit, wait- "WHAT?"

Matsumoto looked up from where she sat, sake cup in hand, amusement palatable. "Wha'd he say this time?"

Hitsugaya, visibly shaken, ran a hand through his snowy hair.

'No. Absolutely not.'

_'...'_

'You're surely mistaken.'

That struck a bit of a personal chord. _'Do I ever make mistakes?'_

'Well, no, but...'

_'Exactly.'_

'But... Zaraki-taicho?'

_'Well, at least she's not petrified of him like the rest of those pathetic weaklings are. Minazuki says she thinks he's like a teddy bear. A very hot, badass teddy bear, but a teddy bear none the less.'_

'I think, Hyorinmaru, you've finally broken me.'

_'Then things will only be more interesting from now on.'_

'Of course. I mean, it IS us.'

A/N: My sad attempt at writing Kenpachi and Unohana. I do love to write the eleventh, though. I'll be writing more of them. They're just too fun! And Hyorinmaru was fun in this one. I need to write in more of his sarcasm. In my mind, he's got levels of sarcasm anime's never seen before.


	8. Observations on:Namecalling & Blackmail

_A/N: I told you I'd write more 11__th__ division. This one's got no real pairing, but some mentioned KenUno and lots of wisecracks. Sorry it's so short, but enjoy!_

'_You know...'_ Hyorinmaru began again, effectively interrupting Hitsugaya's train of thought.

'No!' Shot back Hitsugaya, resuming taking notes.

_'But this is BIG!'_

'With you, it's all ways big. And I never care. So draw your own conclusions from there, hopefully quietly, so I can get something DONE at a meeting for once!'

_'The I guess you don't want to hear about how Yachiru has a crush on you. Your bad, when Kenpachi murders you.'_

SpfthBOOM!Explosion. Hitsugaya's icy, controlled expression and brain combusted together, releasing an eloquent, "WHAT THE FUCK, HYORINMARU?!" into the intense atmosphere of the Gotei 13's weekly captain's meeting.

Silence ensued.Then Ichigo, Shunsui, Shuhei, and Kenpachi burst into hysterical laughter, and everyone resumed blinking. Hitsugaya flushed a brilliant hue never before seen on ANYONE, including Kira.

"Hitsugaya-taicho? Is there something you'd like to say?" Even Ukitake was sporting a good-natured smirk at the outburst.

The flush intensified. "I apologize for disrupting the meeting." Beat. No one showed any signs of resuming. "Please don't allow my... comment... to get in the way of business as usual, Yamamoto-soutaicho!" Beat. The laughter showed no signs of abating.

"CONTINUE. NOW." Hitsugaya's reiatsu overflowed in an icy waterfall of intimidation, freezing in its wake everyone but Kenpachi. He continued laughing.

Hitsugaya looked across the aisle at the 11th division captain, and smiled a smile eerily reminiscent of Gin's. "Zaraki-taicho! Please desist or I will be forced to manage to injure myself training at precisely 7:30 tonight! Thank you."

_'OUCH! I've taught you well. Good blackmail, there. Aren't you glad I had taught you that? Oh, and FYI, I was just trying to get you to listen to me. But this was plenty amusing too.'_

'I dislike you more intensely than anyone still in existence.'

_'Oh, you don't actually mean that.'_

'Don't I? Because I'm pretty damn sure I do.'

_'You need to watch your language! Really. Kids these days.'_

'And you need to butt out. Really, zanpakutou these days.'

_'What other days do you know, whippersnapper?'_

'Did you ACTUALLY just call me a whippersnapper? Oh, that's precious, Grandpa dear.'

'_Shorty!_'

'Ancient!'

'_Shiro-chan!'_

'Are we having this argument? Because while it's embarrassing that I'm doing this, being a captain and all, you're a legend among legends, the strongest of any ice zanpakutou to ever exist, and you're engaging in a name-calling argument, honestly. If the history books got a hold of this, maybe they wouldn't call having you a blessing.'

_'Just remember this; I'm a part of YOUR soul, Shiro-chan.'_

'I never forget it. Trust me on that one.'


	9. Observations on: Scheming, Part 1

'Absolutely not.'

_'I'm not giving you a choice.'_

_'_You are a sword. I am a shinigami. Your body is an inanimate object. You can not make me do it.'

_'I'll sing in your head.'_

'I'll challenge Kenpachi to a spar.'

_'That'd hurt you too.'_

'I would get out of paperwork for a while.'

_'You would also have to be suicidal.'_

'Trust me, I've survived worse.'

_'This really isn't that difficult.' _Really. Come on. Who's this prodigy taichou they're talking about, because it is obviously not the teenager wearing me, because he's got is me in his head and self confidence issues. No taicho should have self confidence issues asking a girl out! (Unless it's Matsumoto, Hyorinmaru amended in his head, in which case, you _should_ have self confidence issues.)

'You're not the one doing it! Besides, when was the last time you actually had to deal with a girl?'

_'Well, four centuries ago, my wielder was this kickass kid named Usagi, and let me tell you! When she had her period, you had DAMN WELL better get out of her way!'_

Hitsugaya dropped his head against his desk with a solid sounding thwack. 'And that was WAY too much information, Hyorinmaru. WAY TOO MUCH.' Snicker. 'Are you snickering at me?'

_'Would I do that?'_

'I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer.'

_'Well, you did ask for that. It was your own fault you didn't see it coming.'_

'That does not at all give you the right to tell me that!'

_'Oo, you'll have to excuse me a second; there's someone on the other line.'_

Before Hitsugaya could wonder 'What other line?', Hyorinmaru's presence was suddenly gone from his consciousness. 'Well, that's unusual,' he pondered, unsure whether to be concerned or relieved. Deciding (quite possibly a little too quickly) on being relieved, and that Hyorinmaru could handle himself fine (he was, after all, a millennia old zanpakutou, despite the attitude), Hitsugaya settled down to actually pay attention in a captain's meeting for the first time in a Very Long Time.

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Hyorinmaru re-interrupted Hitsugaya's thoughts on his leisurely stroll back to 10th.

'Hyorinmaru,' Toshiro began before the other could start a new tangent,'what other line?'

_'You didn't know?' _Hitsugaya scowled. _'Hah, no wonder you weren't panicking! I went to talk to Tobiume.'_

_'_Tobiume...oh, shit, Hyorinmaru. What did you TELL HER?'

_'Sheesh, chill, nothing she didn't already know.'_

'WHAT? HYORINMARU!'

_'Hey, I don't tell you Hinamori's secrets, she doesn't tell her yours. We share so we can subtly influence the two of you into whatever we decide will be most beneficial to our best interests.'_

Suitably relieved, Hitsugaya added,'You would, too. You are that manipulative. It's rather like you to admit it out loud, too. Didn't know Tobiume was like that, though. She's a part of Momo's soul, isn't she? Hinamori isn't manipulative...

Never mind, right.'

_'I was wondering for a minute if we were talking about the same Hinamori here, the one who basically manipulated you into trying out for captaincy, made you make it snow in July, and basically retains more control over you than even Nanao has over Shunsui.'_

'That was unnecessary and unprovoked.'

_'But it was fun to recount. So, when're you going to go ask her?'_

_'_...eventually.'

_'Today.'_  
_  
_

'Not so sure that's a good idea.'

_  
_ _'So give me a timeline here, something to work with.'_  
_  
_

'By the end of the year.'

_  
_ _'Nope.'_  
_  
_

'End of the month.'

_  
_ _'Try again, sweetheart.'_  
_  
_

'Did you just call me sweetheart?'

_  
__'Don't get off-topic!'_

'Did you just use a singsong voice with me?'

_  
__'Do you have the attention span of a four year old, shorty?'_  
_  
_

'Hey, no cheap shots. Fine, fine. End of the week.'

_  
_ _'I'm glad we're in agreement. Now, I'll just go inform Tobiume, and we're set!'_

'Hey, wait!'he called, but the protest died where it stood on Hitsugaya's...imaginary... lips. Hyorinmaru was already gone, off plotting in some corner with Hinamori's apparently scheming zanpakutou. 'Great,' he thought,'now there are **two** of them.'


	10. Observations on: Scheming, Part 2

'The plan is inherently flawed. I refuse, Hyorinmaru, to go into battle unprepared under any circumstances. '

_'You take yourself way too seriously, kid. You're asking a girl out, for crying out loud, not fighting Aizen!'_ Hitsugaya bristled at the name, and Hyorinmaru amended, '_Or Ichigo or Kenpachi or someone.' _Touchy subject, much? _'You even know she'll say yes.'_

'No, no I don't,' Hitsugaya snapped, 'So you say.'

_'I'm always right,'_ Hyorinmaru offered a condescending grin. '_I got Shunsui and Nanao weeks before that happened, didn't I? And Byakuya and Renji, and Ichigo and Rukia, and Kenpachi and Unohana– I've gotten them all right, you know. What makes you think you're so special I'd get you wrong?'_

'I know, Hyorinmaru, it's just... different... with Hinamori. I know, it's just _Hinamori_! It's not that I don't trust you; I do, with my life and Soul Society on the line. It's just...'

_'Hinamori, I know.' _There was, for once, no sarcasm or condescension in Hyorinmaru's voice, only camaraderie and compassion. Hyorinmaru's unadulterated fondness filtered through the daily barriers. They both knew how much was at stake here; almost Hitsugaya's entire relationship with his most precious person was on the line, and even cynical Hyorinmaru couldn't fault him for being so in love.

It lay between them, unsaid but mutually understood, that Hyorinmaru didn't have to do this. His matchmaking speculations were not usually tested on such high stakes, and Toshiro would have lived happily ever after with his "unrequited love" had no one staged an intervention.

Yeah, not so much. It was out of a combination of concern for Hitsugaya, a desire for his happiness, and intense boredom that he had called on Tobiume. Hyorinmaru was a heavenly being of unimaginable age, and he was pretty damn confident in his abilities to set up a cute boy with the girl that liked him. If he couldn't do it by now, it was obviously impossible. He knew, as Tobiume knew, that this would only end in happiness for both of them, one way or another.

_'They're just so cute,' _he thought to himself, _'and so self-conscious. What IS it with this generation?'_

'Hyorinmaru? Are you ready?'

_'I was born ready, Shiro-kun.'_

'You are ridiculous.'

'_You love me.'_

'I do.' There was a moment of heavy, mutual silence, and then Hitsugaya swung the door open, nearly whacking Hinamori in the process.

"Shiro-kun!"

"Hinamori!" They stood there dumbfounded for a moment, their zanpakuto laughing in their heads, before resuming their stroll.

"Turning in paperwork?"

"Yeah," smiled Hinamori, "I suppose you already have yours in?"

"I made Matsumoto get up and do it this morning," he drawled, trying to look composed. "Are you off for the evening when you're done?"

"Yep!" she chirruped, "and Kurosaki-taicho gave me the day off tomorrow too."

_'Why do I suspect you might have a day off tomorrow too?'_ Hyorinmaru piped up. He was ignored.

"Then... would you want to do something tonight? Hitsugaya wasn't one for stereotypes, but his throat still constricted as he waited. Hyorinmaru wanted to laugh at him, btu he was too busy holding his breath.

Hinamori turned to look at him, surprised. "I would love to!" she exclaimed, radiating delight. "What did you have in mind?"

"I was thinking," he faked thoughtfulness, "maybe we should drop into Seireitei to get dinner?"

"That sounds great!" Momo looked thrilled with the prospect of going anywhere with Hitsugaya. They parted a moment later at the first division's door, and as soon as she was gone Hyorinmaru started the barrage.

_'Hmm, I wonder who called that one...'_

'You did, Hyorinmaru.' 

_'And will you stop angsting now?'_

'I have never done any such thing. I merely felt understandable anxiety.'

Hyorinmaru said nothing for a moment, waiting.

_'Oh wise and noble prodigy-captain,'_ he began slowly, _'what does 'angst' mean?'_

'That depends on where you're going with this.'

_'Well... not to quote or anything, but according to "angst" means "a feeling of anxiety".' _

'Shut up, Hyorinmaru. I'm busy basking in success.'

_'Seriously? Seriously? Fine. I'm just going to gloat._

_...for the next two centuries.'_

'I figured,' Hitsugaya smiled, and they strolled away to make reservations.

A/N: Finally! Finally! I know it's been forever, but please don't lynch me. It's a long chapter, too, just to apologize. Now that I've got all that silly plot out of the way, I can go back to mindless sarcasm and wordplay. I also plan on revising the previous chapters, to make them more fleshed-out. I hope you all enjoyed, and please review!


	11. Observations on: Gossip

'We have to find a better time for these conversations. Really.'

'_Why? It's not like you're missing anything important. It's been ages since you've actually paid attention in one, and the division hasn't burned to the ground yet.'_

'It's improper!'

'_Yachiru takes naps during the meetings. I suspect Yamamoto does too. THAT's improper. You're just having a nice conversation like Ukitake and Kyoraku do. If Ukitake does it, clearly it's proper.'_

'But it involves Kyoraku-taicho, so it's clearly NOT proper.'

'_Yeah, but I like him. He's great gossip.'_

At this point, Hitsugaya had given up any pretense of looking interested. 'Hey, you've started remembering people's names now.'

'_No, not really. I only know the names of the interesting people.'_

'Ukitake makes the list?'

'_Harsh, kid. Not really, though, but if you know Shunsui you know Ukitake. There hasn't been much gossip about them out recently, though... actually, all gossip has been pretty slow.'_

'So that explains my relative peace.'

'_I wouldn't start counting on it, though. There's got to be SOMETHING that will hold my interest for more than 5 seconds.'_

'How about the meeting?' Hitsugaya thought he'd throw that out there as sort of a last-ditch attempt. Hyorinmaru snorted.

'_Silly Shirou-kun, meetings are for losers! Gossip is where it's really at.'_

'No. If gossip were fashionable, like you seem to think, everyone would do this during meetings. Since you seem to be the only one with this fixation, it's not fashionable."

'_Matsumoto gets it!"_ Hyorinmaru teased. He knew the response that was coming.

'SHE ALSO UNDERSTANDS RENJI!' Hitsugaya roared (mentally) at Hyorinmaru.

'_I'm impressed, it wasn't out loud this time," _Hyorinmaru said in verisimilitude amazement. Condescension began to audibly seep in with the next line, _'Which saves you the effort of digging yourself out of an oh-so-familiar hole, kiddo.'_

He grumbled back a muted 'All your fault, dragon' before glancing back to Yamamoto and refocusing his attention.

This was an insult that couldn't be let stand. _'Hey! Don't ignore me!'_

He was met with silence. Well, if he was going to play THAT game...

Several captains were nearly blown over by the immense release of reiatsu in the middle of a routine lecture on washing the blood off of your division's hallways properly. Several vice captains passed out, and Nanao muttered something that looked suspiciously like 'Not again, damnit,' before collapsing into Shunsui's arms. The captains that cared put up a shield over their vice captains, and Yamamoto roared over the din,

"Hitsugaya-taicho! Please control your zanpakutou!!"

'Hyorinmaru! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?'

'_Language, child!' _reprimanded a smug Hyorinmaru mildly.

'TURN DOWN YOUR REIATSU THIS MINUTE BEFORE MOMO PASSES OUT!'

'_Oh, right.' _Hyorinmaru did accordingly.

The meeting room looked like 11th division had been through there recently. Papers were strewn about haphazardly. Several pages of Shunsui's bad poetry floated past Hitsugaya's nose before landing in front of Kenpachi and Yachiru, who were cracking up. Mayuri looked furious as he reorganized his research, and Nemu picked herself up from the floor with a certain amount of unsteady grace. Ukitake looked vaguely amused and concerned, and Hitsugaya knew that chocolate by the mountain load was on the horizon. Yamamoto looked like he was restraining himself from some sort of condescending comment. Chojiro looked dizzy. Soifon snorted derisively, although he was unsure if it was directed at him or at her second seat, who was sitting on his butt, dazed. Kira looked absolutely bewildered, and behind him Ikkaku was grinning ear to ear. Unohana was smiling slightly. Ichigo was laughing. Behind Ichigo... there.

'Thank god she's all right, dragon, or I would have held inter-division training with 11th for a week.'

Momo smiled at him, a little unsteady, and mouthed, 'I'm fine!'

His shoulders relaxed and before he could even apologize, Yamamoto spoke.

"What'd you do?" Everyone looked interested. Hitsugaya turned red. Hyorinmaru smirked.

"I ignored him, sir."

"What was he talking about?" piped up Matsumoto, who had become desensitized to Hyorinmaru's outbursts.

Hitsugaya pointedly ignored her and the rest of the world. Kenpachi cracked up again.

A/N: Faster this time than last! Still slow, I know, but I've been editing (go check out A Little Bird! It's all spiffy and new,) and of course there's always life, and CLAMP. (Speaking of which, I absolutely adore Sumeragi Subaru. We need to either finish X or get him back in Tsubasa. NOW.) And I'm super behind on Bleach episodes... the last one I saw was like... 121? I think they're in the 40s now. Oh, well, I'll catch up eventually. Karakura arc was just so boring. Well, ja! Tell me what you think, hopefully in more than one word!


	12. Obervations on: Yamamoto and Politics

'Hyorinmaru, will you STOP MAKING FUN of the soutaicho ever?'

'_No._' He rolled his eyes. _'Give me a reason to.'_

'He's the SOUTAICHO!' 

'_No captain or vice-captain in the Gotei 13 actually respects Yamamoto-soutaicho, personally, anymore. They just don't. One of those things, kid._

'_Look at the first. No vice-captain these days respects their captain at all, so Chojiro certainly doesn't respect him. No one really knows much more about Sasakibe and Yamamoto's relationship, but no one cares much either. One of those unresolved Soul Society mysteries that no one gives a damn about but that I bring up again every decade or two for a laugh._

'_And second. Soi Fon respects no one but Yourichi. She has never respected anyone like Yourichi, and never will. Everyone knows it, and unless you're looking to get your ass kicked, you don't bring it up. Kenpachi's brought it up a couple of times so he could fight the girl. Marechiyo, her vice-captain, doesn't give a damn about anything but his family, his division, and his food. The shinigami's so busy eating he doesn't have time for "respect" or "honor" or any of those other silly things Tosen preached about. Which, in retrospect, is probably a good thing, seeing as Tosen probably isn't a very good role model anymore._

'_3rd. Since when had Gin respected anything? Besides, it's pretty much safe to assume that Gin doesn't hold Seireitei itself in very high regard. Kira, the pushover, respects EVERYONE. And by that, it means he respects Yachiru, whom no one takes seriously. He respects the lowliest 4th division unranked member. So one can't really count that Kira respects Yamamoto, because to get Kira's respect all one has to do is exist. Or not exist, actually. He didn't mean to offend you!'_ Hyorinmaru snorted. _'Wimp.'_

'_4th. Unohana knows far too much about everyone, so she just laughs inside. The same goes for Isane. There really are benefits to being in 4th, but no one but they will ever know, because if you're in 4th, you're there for life. One of those things, a catch-22 of Soul Society's cycle._

'_5th. Aizen Sosuke respects very little. Power, yes, which Yamamoto has, but also genius. Yamamoto's wise, but he's not smart, not in the way Urahara is, the way Unohana is.__ (Also see Gin, because his logic applies to Aizen as well.)__ Hinamori basically respects only her friends, people she trusts and holds dear. People she believes in. So Hinamori might be subservient to her soutaicho, but the number of people she trusts in at all has diminished exponentially. Thanks, Aizen. _

'_6th. Sort of like Unohana, Byakuya laughs. In his head, of course, to prevent giving Renji a heart attack. Byakuya believes Yamamoto wouldn't stand a chance against Ichigo, and thusly is on par with Byakuya himself.(__ By the by, Byakuya is correct.) Therefore, he's an equal, not someone to be respected. Renji holds nothing but contempt for anyone who allows the status quo in Rukongai. He knows that the only true judge of character is how one treats those weaker than them, and Yamamoto ignores them._

'_7th. Komamura's really just learning to respect anyone but Kaname, and he hasn't quite gotten around to Yama-ji. He's pretty fond of the man, he DID save his life, but really. He wears leather around his beard. Iba, like the rest of eleventh, doesn't respect anyone outside of the division. As Ikkaku once famously put it, "Ya're not worth shit if ya ain't in eleventh."__ When asked about Ichigon, Ikkaku said, "He's an honorary. Like Hisagi." When asked why Shuuhei is an honorary member of the 11__th__ division, Ikkaku said, "Ask Yumichika".)_

'_8th. Shunsui is still quietly furious that Yamamoto suffocated HIS Nanao-chan like that. Seeing her so helpless against the pounding flames, the way Yama-ji singled her out and so purposely hurt her... he'll never hold much fondness for his sensei ever again._

'_Nanao is still furious the Yamamoto attacked Shunsui, HER taicho. He was hypocritical, entirely wrong, and he seriously, genuinely, would have hurt Shunsui, given the chance. She's bitter about it to this day._

'_9th. Yamamoto's path is not that of the least bloodshed, nor is it Tousen's chosen path. Therefore, it is clearly inferior and unjust and the soutaicho should die immediately. Also see article "Tousen Kaname: The Good, the Bad, and the If-you-don't agree-with-me-and-follow-my-path-you-will-suffer-and-die, foo." Hisagi Shuuhei is not very fond of Yamamoto. He thinks the geezer's ancient, stuck up, and a hypocrite. And he's right. With such a stunning opinion as Shuuhei has of him, is one surprised that he isn't much inclined to respect him?_

'_10th. Ah, Toshiro. What do you have to say for yourself, cute, sweet Hitsugaya Shiro-kun of the 10th division?'_

'Hitsugaya Toushiro-taichou is so fucking pissed off at Yamamoto for not noticing Aizen's betrayal. Supreme commander my ass.'

'_Language, sweetie.. And Rangiku? Seriously? She probably couldn't respect a man if her life counted on it. Besides, there was something about Gin's betrayal that, while not inspiring treachery in her, made her think long and hard about her leaders and who she trusts. You make the list kid, he doesn't.'_

'_11th. Kenpachi has never been asked. But if we did ask him, there's serious money on the table that says that he would pound his head against the table while asphyxiating from laughter. Astonishingly enough he would also probably agree with Byakuya. (for once). Yachiru herself isn't much of a fan. As she mentioned to Nemu,_

"_Well, we could do a lot better, couldn't we? Think how awesome we'd be in Ken-chan was king!!!" Wow, that's a scary thought._

'You do that scarily well.'

'_12th. Mayuri snorts and rolls his eyes at everyone except Kenpachi, Urahara, and possible subjects. These he attacks on sight. Nemu does similarly, except instead of the snorting and eye rolling, she looks blankly at them until they send her away. It's disconcerting, and it's definitely not respect._

'_13th. Ukitake's a sweetheart, no lie, but he's not so fond of people that kill his subordinates for no good reason and use their power, gifted to them in the name of justice, for tyranny. But he keeps this opinion to himself for his division's sake. ( And because while he's fond of the real world, he's not THAT fond of the real world.)_

'_So around it goes, Soul Society leaving in place this laughed-at mockery of an authority figure because they don't care enough, hut when he's dead an d then the man who killed him is dead, they'll waste no time in putting in place another soutaicho. Who they probably won't respect either, for different reasons. Well, you know. It's just... well... one of those things, y'know? The earth spins, Gin smiles, Ichigo's an idiot, and the soutaicho of the day is gonna be ignored. Got it?'_

'You've put a lot of thought into this.'

'_Well, I've seen enough soutaichous to notice a pattern. It's one of those things about having existed since the beginning of Soul Society's existence.'_

'You also seem to have strong opinions on the matter.'

'_I do my best to keep you informed.'_

Hitsugaya let out a small smirk. 'You also had an interesting running commentary. The peanut gallery took notes.'

'_At least THEY recognize and respect a genius when they see him.'_

'If that was directed at me, I don't care,' Hitsugaya finished, shutting down the most brilliant spontaneous oratory ever given.

O-MA-KE!!!

"Heeeyy, Nanao-chan! Shouldn't Sould Society be an anarcosynaclist commune?"

"No, no it should NOT, taicho."

"Shunsui, I'm going to have to agree with Ise-fukutaichou here."

A/N: Very long and political, that one. This was originally intended to stand alone, but I tweaked it because I thought it was SO Hyorinmaru. Well, let me know if you liked/didn't like the new style! Oh, and thank you so much to everyone for 100 reviews. It's a monumental landmark for me as a writer. Well, ja!


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